When Personal Lives Start Affecting Work

When you manage people, there will inevitably be times when challenges in your team members’ personal lives start to affect their work – from lower energy levels to difficulties being fully present. Whether it’s health-related, something impacting their larger community, a scary accident, the loss of a loved one, or a whole host of other issues that can naturally come up in life, you need to know how to provide effective support to your team members while still prioritizing business needs.

How do you balance staying understanding while maintaining efficiency? What’s the right way to check in without overstepping? How often should you be checking in? What should you say – or not say?

The stakes are high, with employees three times more likely to be engaged at work and five times more likely to advocate for their company as a place to work when they feel their organization values their well-being, according to Gallup research. And as a manager, when you effectively convey to your team members that you care about their well-being, it makes all the difference.

So, here are some ways to navigate these complex situations:

Recognize your role

As a manager, your role isn’t to try and fix the problems in your team members’ personal lives or advise them on how to solve complicated familial challenges – your responsibility is to let them know that they are supported and to help them navigate work while these heavy matters are going on at home. Let them know that you’re not expecting them to be performing at their best right now and that you’re here to help them prioritize or reduce their workload as needed. As long as they continue to communicate what they need and are transparent about what they feel they can handle, you can proactively make changes and prepare accordingly.

Humanize work conversations

When you know someone on your team is going through a tough time, remember to check in. In one-on-one meetings, before simply diving into work-related issues, honestly ask how they are feeling. If they choose to share some details about their experience, make sure to really listen and follow up with relevant questions to better understand the situation. This way, you can offer meaningful support, refer them to the right resources, and get a better understanding of how to move forward with the team. Also, recognize that sometimes there isn’t a right way to respond, and in those cases, you can simply validate what they’re feeling and let them know that you’re there to support them in any way you can.

Adjust your approach

Not everyone copes with challenges the same way. While some of your team members may want to vent and release some of the weight, others might not feel comfortable discussing what’s going on in their personal lives with you. And that’s okay. Be there as a resource, but don’t put pressure on them to open up. Instead, ask your employees what would be helpful from you as their manager and how you can make them feel most supported in this difficult period. Maybe they need some extra guidance on how to reduce distractions or some more flexibility with their schedules. Or perhaps they’d like to reprioritize their workload with you or hear more about support systems and resources available within your organization. Whatever it is, invite them to share the ways they feel you can help.

Emphasize self-compassion

Recognize that isolation is often a painful byproduct of personal hardship. While your team members might appear outwardly composed, they may be carrying a heavy emotional load. So, to foster a supportive environment, validate their feelings, and emphasize the value of self-compassion. Remind them that it’s important to take time for themselves when they feel they need it. Research shows that prioritizing mental health can actually boost productivity and job satisfaction in the long run, so if you notice hesitancy, reassure them that doing so will likely strengthen their performance going forward.

Make necessary adjustments

When your team members are going through something, some may find work to be a safe place and refuge from their personal issues, while others may feel like it’s simply adding to their stress. For the latter, this means that they may not be able to produce at the same capacity as usual, and it’s important to acknowledge this. Honestly ask them what kind of work they feel they can handle at that moment given everything that’s going on, without judgment. Then, do your best to reallocate some of their work in order to help lighten their workload and relieve work-related stress. Also, make sure to check in with the employee to find out what they’re comfortable sharing about their situation with the rest of the team so that you can get their teammates to step up without disrespecting their privacy.

In these cases, it’s best to reach out to your other team members on an individual basis – as opposed to in a group setting – to fill them in and find out if any of them have the capacity to take on an extra task or project for their teammate. And when dividing up the work, don’t just split things evenly – do your best to allocate projects according to relevant skills and expertise.

Monitor the situation

Recognize that things can change at any moment. Even if yesterday your team member seemed to be in a decent mood or executing quickly, today things could feel entirely different, so it’s important to actively monitor the situation and adjust as needed. Be patient, and remember that at the end of the day, being a leader who has effectively helped your employees through difficult periods in their lives can make all the difference in how they feel about you, your team, and your organization as a whole.

Avoid promises you can’t keep

While you may be more than willing to give a grieving employee several weeks of leave or to offer a team member with a very sick parent the ability to work from home, the decision unfortunately may not be yours to make. Sometimes there are strict company policies to take into account, so make sure you understand the rules and bureaucratic hurdles before promising anything to your team members. If you don’t have answers when they share what’s going on with you, it’s best to let them know that you are going to be as flexible as possible and that you’re planning to speak to whoever is necessary to get them the support they need in this difficult time.